Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
