Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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