by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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