I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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