My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wanna passion pit in your ass
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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