Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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