i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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