His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
