Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
