a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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