i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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