dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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