This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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