just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Less talking, more tequila
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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