We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
