dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
