I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize