Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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