i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me I should be a condom model.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
