i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
