Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
