my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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