did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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