All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
