i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize