I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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