Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
