i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
