guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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