they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
