when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
