My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize