He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
