he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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