I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
