So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
