The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
