Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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