the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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