She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
