my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
