I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
