normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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