My nipple is on Facebook.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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