Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize