I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
