I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
