You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
