I cockslap morals
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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