i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just invented taco cereal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
