I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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