just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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