and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
