my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
