Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
