I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
