Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let's get the cat blown out
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
