I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
only if we run a train.
done.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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