I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
