Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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