so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
