I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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