Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize