she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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