I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
