turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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