How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
