Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
