Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
