I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
