Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
