Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
