I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
