You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
