Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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