This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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